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Apa dan Kenapa: The Photobook Club

Added on by Ridzki.

Apa dan Kenapa

Baru saja pada tanggal 15 Desember kemarin, kami mengadakan pertemuan perdana The Photobook Club yang mengambil tema "Locations", namun sebelum kita membahas tentang apa saja kesimpulan dari pertemuan pertama tersebut saya ingin membahas Apa dan Kenapa ada club seperti ini.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-8

Ini semua diawali ketika saya dan Tommy ingin membuat sebuah platform yang  membahas buku-buku foto secara umum yang berformat book club, dimana para anggota yang datang diharapkan sudah "membaca" buku tersebut atau paling tidak mendapatkan informasi awal mengenai buku tersebut dan fotografernya. pada pertemuannya diharapkan juga para anggota dapat memberikan pendapat, kesan dan kalau ada kritik mengenai buku-buku tersebut. Selain itu kami juga mempunyai ide club ini juga memiliki program-program lain seperti misalnya "Dummy Days" dimana para fotografer yang memiliki dummy buku dapat mempresentasikan buku mereka dan diskusi bersama fotografer/publisher yang sudah mengeluarkan tidak hanya buku tapi juga publikasi-publikasi alternatif seperti zine. Pada pertemuan kemarin rekan-rekan senior seperti Erik Prasetya, Edy Purnomo dan Ng Swanti menginginkan bahwa club ini juga menjadi support system kepada para fotografer dimana club ini bisa memberikan wadah untuk mempromosikan buku yang akan terbit, menuliskan resensi atau kritik dan mengembangkan rasa kecintaan terhadap buku foto itu sendiri. Secara tidak langsung Club ini juga diharapkan untuk dapat mengembangkan Di titik puncak diharapkan club ini mampu berpartisipasi dalam pengembangan intelektual para fotografer dengan berlangsungnya kegiatan-kegiatan yang telah disampaikan tadi.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-7

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-3

Satu hal yang kami tekankan adalah karena ini berformat book club, kami berharap rekan-rekan yang datang sudah memiliki pengetahuan mengenai buku yang dibahas, tentu saja kami akan mempublikasi review dan gambar-gambar buku tersebut sebelum pertemuan dimulai akan tetapi lebih baik lagi jika rekan-rekan mampu mencari tahu terlebih dahulu tentang buku yang ingin dibahas tersebut baik dengan review yang sudah ada sebelumnya atau dengan mencari tahu background tentang sang fotografer dan kenapa buku tersebut itu dibuat. Ini kami mohon sekali agar dilakukan karena sampai sekarang  diskusi publik fotografi tidak pernah bersifat dua arah, selalu bersifat satu arah atau peserta selalu muncul dengan agenda masing-masing, menjauhkan diskusi itu mencapai tujuannya.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-4

Pertemuan pertama: Locations

Pada pembahasan pertama ini kami membahas tiga buku yang bertemakan lokasi yaitu Carolyn Drake - Two Rivers, Aji Susanto Anom - Nothing Personal dan Andri Tambunan - Against All Odds. Sebenarnya kami tidak banyak membahas buku ini karena hampir separuh waktu diskusi dihabiskan dengan mendiskusikan format club, namun akan kami coba sadur apa saja yang sudah kami dapat diskusikan pada pertemuan perdana tersebut.

Ketiga buku ini adalah buku yang dibuat secara swadaya, dimana Carolyn mengusahakannya melalui Kickstarter, Andri berdasarkan grant yang diterimanya dan hasil tabungannya dan Aji dari dana pre-order buku tersebut.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-2

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-9

Semua hampir setuju buku Two Rivers adalah buku yang amat sangat grafis dan bisa dibilang menyebalkan karena foto-foto tidak ditampilkan secara utuh, ada argumen yang menyatakan bahwa foto-foto dalam buku tersebut dibuat sedemikian rupa karena sang desainer ingin unjuk gigi, yang menarik adalah pernyataan apakah dengan memotong foto tersebut akan terjadi peningkatan penjualan yang signifikan? seperti misalnya 50%, kalau tidak kenapa kita harus mendengarkan pernyataan si desainer tentang hal ini? Saya sendiri merasa buku tersebut dibuat sedemikian rupa karena ingin menggambarkan aliran sungai tersebut yang terpatah-patah namun terus mengalir.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-6

Tentang buku Aji, kami merasa Aji harus berada di pertemuan tersebut untuk membahas bukunya, karena kami memiliki banyak pertanyaan pertanyaan untuknya, seperti misalnya ada pendapat bahwa buku Aji tersebut masih terkesan prematur, dengan proses pengambilan foto yang terlalu cepat dan tanpa proses penyuntingan yang memadai. Satu pertanyaan yang muncul dari rekan senior adalah apakah para fotografer muda ini tahu bagaimana foto yang baik itu? Foto pada awalnya adalah sesuatu yang harus dicetak dan dilihat dengan menggunakan cahaya yang muncul dan menimpa foto itu sendiri dari depan atau samping, bukan dari belakang sebagaimana layar komputer sekarang ini. Cahaya yang muncul dari belakang akan meningkatkan kontras foto, pada buku Aji, yang dipertanyakan adalah alasan Aji untuk mencetak bukunya dengan kekontrasan yang sangat tinggi tersebut.

Buku Andri Tambunan sendiri adalah buku tanpa pretensi grafis tinggi seperti Two Rivers (walaupun Andri sendiri memperkerjakan seorang desainer) atau mengetengahkan tema yang populer sekarang ini (street photography) seperti buku Aji. Buku ini nampak seperti makalah ilmiah, dari pemilihan penulis kata pengantar dan tulisan di bagian belakang buku tersebut. Buku ini mungkin juga memang tidak diperuntukkan ke khalayak umum, tetapi lebih kepada para NGO, pemegang donor dan mereka yang memiliki kemampuan untuk membantu penanganan HIV/AIDS di Papua.

Selanjutnya

Seperti yang sudah diutarakan diatas mengenai program-program kami, pertemuan di club ini kami harapkan dapat berlangsung secara reguler pada pertemuan berikutnya kemungkinan besar kami akan menyelengarakan dummy days, dimana kami mengundang para fotografer yang memiliki dummy buku untuk berpartisipasi. Pertemuan club akan dilakukan secara reguler, di minggu ke 4 setiap bulannya, masih di tempat yang sama yaitu di Kopitiam Oey, Sabang.

Photobook Club Meeting 15 Dec 2013-10

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What and Why

Just yesterday we held the inaugural meeting of The Photobook Club with the theme " Locations" , but before we discuss about what are the conclusions of the first meeting I want to discuss what and why the club existed

It all started when me and Tommy wanted to create a platform to discuss photobooks in a book club format, where the members who come are expected to " read " the book , or at least get the initial information about the book and the photographer . At the meeting of the members may be expected also to give an opinion , impression , and if present, criticism about these books . In addition of it the club also has other programs such as " Dummy Days " where the photographers who have a dummy book are able to present their books, discussion with photographer / publisher that has published not only books but also alternative publications such as zine . At yesterday's meeting of senior colleagues like Erik Prasetya , Edy Purnomo and Ng Swanti want the club to act as a support system for photographers where the club can provide a forum to promote the forthcoming book , write a review or critique and develop a love for books  itself. Indirectly the club can hopefully help to develop  the intellectual development of the photographers with the ongoing activities that have been stated earlier .

One thing that we felt that we need to emphasize is that due to the format , we hope that the people who came already to the club meeting have the knowledge of the books that are being discussed , of course, we will publish the reviews and the pictures of the book before the meeting begins will be better but if people were able to find out in advance about the existing reviews or the background of the photographer and why the book was made . We ask this because up to now the public discussion of photography is never two-way , it has always be one -way or the participants always comes with their own agenda , keeping the discussion from reaching its destination .

The first meeting : Locations

The three books that are being discussed are: Carolyn Drake - Two Rivers , Aji Susanto Anom - Nothing Personal and Andri Tambunan - Against All Odds . Actually we do not have much discussion regarding the books because almost half of the time are spent discussing the format of the club , but we will try to write what talked about at the inaugural meeting .

All three books are made independently , in which Carolyn working on it through Kickstarter , Andri based grants received and proceeds from fund his savings and Aji based on the pre-order demand of the book.

Almost all agree that Two Rivers is a very graphic book and somewhat annoying because the photos are not shown in their entirety , there is the argument that the photographs made in such ways because the designer intention, another statement said that will such presentation of the book (to cut the photo) will results in significant increase in sales ? such as 50 % let's say, if not why do we have to listen to the designers statement about this ?

About Aji's book, we feel that Aji should be in the meeting to discuss his book , because we have a lot of questions for him, there is a notion that Aji's book were made prematurely, with only the photo -taking process happens in two years and without adequate editing process . One question that arises from senior colleagues is whether these young photographers know what good photo is? Photograph is something that must be printed and viewed using light that appears and hit the photograph  from the front or side , not from behind like  computer screen as it is today. Light emerging from behind will increase the contrast of the photo , adding to the question whether Aji has a reason to print the book with very high contrast or whether he did not understand the requirement of the allegedly good photograph.

Andri Tambunan's book appear without any graphic design like Two Rivers ( although Andri also hire a designer ) or having a popular theme (street photography) like Aji's book . This book is more felt like a scientific paper, from the opening statement to the writing in the back of the book. The reason might be that book is not aimed for the general public , but rather to the NGOs , donors and  stakeholders which has the ability to help prevent the spread of HIV / AIDS in Papua .

Further

As already stated above regarding our programs , the meeting at this club are expected to take place on a regular basis. At the next meeting we will most likely carry out dummy days , where we invite the photographers who have a dummy book to participate . Club meetings will be held regularly , at the fourth week of each month , still in the same place , Kopitiam Oey Sabang .

 

Jakarta, 17 Juni 2013

Added on by Ridzki.

Jadi pagi ini di tengah hujan deras yang mengguyur dan wajah-wajah masam pejalan kaki, saya melihat sepasang kekasih meloncat keluar dari metro mini, mereka sigap menghindari genangan air dan mendarat di trotoar. Lalu masih dengan postur badan yang siap untuk berlari, yang wanita-dalam sepersekian detik-mencium tangan sang lelaki. Dan mereka pun berpisah sembari menerjang hujan.

Morality: Between Pancasila, Religious Doctrines and Other Values

Added on by Ridzki.
It all began here and then I posted that article on my twitter and my editor began to ask me:

@trugiaz so what's your perspective on the matter? re: moral article.

And I said I couldn't write it in 140 words, nor do I wanted to make a series of lectures, so I suppose Notion is the place to go.

To start, I have no exact idea where the Indonesian's obsession of morality come from; it could come from the last 32 years during the Soeharto era, it could come from the East tradition (respect your elders, your country etc), it could come from religions or it could be learn from the society or cultures. Anyway, as the article mentioned there are increasing number of obsession on morality and unfortunately this uphold of the morality is still pretty much a double standard issue.

Why double standard? because the people who impose such laws, governance or rules are immune of this moral code they passed. They expect people to follow them but they didn't want to follow it by themselves. Take a look at the porn loving legislature, Arifinto. He keep porn in his tablet (that's right sir, I don't buy your so-called email link excuses), get caught watching it in a plenary session, forced to step down from his position and till this date he's still in the parliament (waiting for recess period he said) and no police officer to take him to jail, but a man who make porn for himself (not distributing it) is caught and get 3.5 years in jail time. For more information this Arifinto is a member of the PKS (Justice and Prosperous Party) which pushed the Pornographic Bill (and according to this it's illegal to posses, download and distribute pornographic material but not) to be legalized, then when this kind of incident happen they said that the action that he did (stepping down) is already more than enough.

and let's leave that double standard issue with the infamous saying:

What. The. F**k?

Let's head back and see the questions that my editor is asking:

Is there a standard for morality?

In my opinion yes, there's a standard. I believe that there are raw, unrefined values of morality that all the people in the world could agree regardless of their views or beliefs. As I understand it nowadays we have so many  moral values surrounding us, these come in the form of religious dogma or  logical consequences of our action however the principles behind it are the same. In Indonesia, this standards of morality or the raw, unrefined values of morality came in the form of Pancasila (the five principles) or to be precise it's the 5 principles and its 45 points and I'd say that the best ever values known to mankind. Why? because since its birth it balances between the liberal view and the socialism, it also acknowledged religious values yet at the same time not taking side of one religious dogma.

Can moral virtues be taught in classes?

Again I would say yes, moral virtues can be taught in classes, however it would need more than just classroom to taught about morals. The homes, the parents are the first and foremost place and people responsible for teaching this moral virtues. A classroom, would act as a place for the children to practice their moral understanding by interacting with society (IMHO classroom/school is just a smaller model of society) and at the same time teaching them about the more complex understanding of morality. Returning from my point above I believe the values of Pancasila need to be taken in seriousness by the ministry of education, not only as a main subject to be taught but also a guideline on how to shape the future Indonesians.

In my final words, I would say that we now live in a strange time and age, where Pancasila has been degraded and understood only as a statue of Garuda with a shield on its chest and its values are no longer considered as part of our identity but at the same time there's an increase of nationalism. I believe simply because that Pancasila as a moral guidelines doesn't offer anything like any religious doctrines, it doesn't offer 72 virgins like when you defend your religion nor it would punish you into the depths of hell if you don't follow it. Nationalism on the other hand although it is also a part of one's identity would not have anything to do with moral values.

It must be understood by anyone, not just the government that if we want to live in a country like Indonesia, we can't depend on morality which is based on one religious doctrines or even only the view of the majority. If we want to live in  Indonesia we need to follow that value of morality which respect and acknowledge the differences. Therefore my suggestions regarding this moral issues are simple; reinstate our belief in Pancasila, our standards of morality and apply its values in our everyday life.

Fuck You Pay Me: How To Ensure that You Got Everything Covered Before You Start That Project

Added on by Ridzki.

Damn that's a long title. Anyway here's Mike Monteiro from Mule Designs talking in SF: Creative Morning about how sometimes, creative workers (designers, developers, photographers or just any kid with MacBook pro) are being undervalued by the clients but even sometimes by themselves.

Mike's talk are the ones that you need prior engaging a project, possibly even when you're just starting out or when you want to fire your clients (yes you read it right)

So enjoy and please apply this for your next project negotiation.

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/22053820]

A Retrospect of 2010

Added on by Ridzki.

Let's begin this retrospect by review the previous list that I have for my 2010 resolutions shall we:

  1. Start on Project 365 and consistently keep it running.
  2. Be more accountable.
  3. Less procrastinating and be more productive.
  4. Save more money.
  5. Travel more!
  6. Live the healthy way.
  7. Try to cycle everyday.
  8. Try to cook everyday.
  9. Be more greener.
  10. Live without debts and Blackberry.
  11. Buy my sister a Spiderman notebook.
  12. Learn diving.
  13. Climb at least 2 mountains.
  14. Go to Halong Bay!
  15. Learn, Write, Read and Listen More.
  16. Know what I want and what I need as well as what I am worth of.
  17. Do the coming of age ritual: travelling solo!

And let's see how I've done it then

  1. Start on Project 365 and consistently keep it running.
  2. Be more accountable.
  3. Less procrastinating and be more productive. well kinda..
  4. Save more money. definitely not
  5. Travel more!
  6. Live the healthy way. Not
  7. Try to cycle everyday. Not
  8. Try to cook everyday. Not
  9. Be more greener. well kinda...
  10. Live without debts and Blackberry.
  11. Buy my sister a Spiderman notebook. Not
  12. Learn diving. Yes Yes! and Dive in Bunaken as a Bonus
  13. Climb at least 2 mountains. Not
  14. Go to Halong Bay! Yes! and I done it Solo
  15. Learn, Write, Read and Listen More.
  16. Know what I want and what I need as well as what I am worth of.
  17. Do the coming of age ritual: travelling solo!

Well I can say it's pretty much a great 2010 then, while now I am still thinking about my 2011 resolutions but I have a great ones on my mind. Let me share with you when I get all of them listed out.

Cheers and have a great 2011.

A Matter of Minds/of Parenting, Long Talks and Very Much Relationship in General

Added on by Ridzki.
I get angry with the mirror sometimes, because it's trying to define me.

I finally figure that out, these past few days, granted my volume of conversation I had with my parents is diminishing compared to two or three years ago, quality or quantity wise. This kind of situation then made my fear comes true, like after missed out your friends for a few years the moment you met them, they have transformed into this beings which you can't understand again. You remembered them for what they were, but the truth is they have developed and experienced much. So as you.

I began the talk by arguing why I can't learn from mistakes? why should I be protected and believe "what mother knows best" is the best for me. As always the arguments that my parents had are the arguments which I have heard plenty of times during the past few years and trust me, though the quality or the quantity is low, I'm still listening for what they have to say. Out of respect perhaps, but most probably because I'm a true believer that the purpose you had in this world is to learn about the things on the earth and beyond.

The talk expanded from minutes to hours and I can see clearly that my mother is tired, but I still force her to go for it. if it's not now then this will be dragged again into whatever time in the future. I tried to explain that things have developed for me, I had learn things from her sayings, from my experiences and the experiences of others. Stories would be proven to have the same effect.

Previously I had to explained to her that it is a vicious cycle for not believing that I had developed, which in the end she just keep repeating the same stories because she believed that I would still make the same mistake in the future. Worse than a donkey I might say. But then I tried to explain that this cycle is unproductive and only would be proven to make me sick of all the same sayings. Thus I began to explain things to her, I began to let go a piece of my minds I always keep for myself and the results are just awestruck.

She couldn't understand me. she said in her words, that I have become wiser, yes but I also developed to this being which is eerily complicated and advanced so that her minds can't follow my train of thoughts anymore. I say deeply in my heart, you are not the only person who thinks that way, I myself sometimes keep getting confused of myself. Thus explaining the opening sentences.

Parenting is tough yes. While I am a modern child of the universe, my parents are still this simple minded fellow whom I adore and envy at the same time. They've been blessed to be able to raised a child like me and my sister and I studying from them will try to raise my own child with a lots or bits of their teachings.

In the end, we make a pact. I will try to increase the quantity and quality of conversation, while her at the same time will also try to understand my behaviour and began asking about matters she's quite hesitate to ask at first. And I promised myself to learn to express it in a non-delicate ways, which is ok because of the learnings I might need to learn.

Accelerator-Primal Scream

Added on by Ridzki.

1. Put your music on shuffle.2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. 3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! 4. Tag 12 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

I Didn't See Her-The Observatory

So I guess it's not ok then?

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

Untitled-The Pigeon Detectives

Spot on.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

In My Arms-Snow Patrol

Well I did like a girl if she's in my arms.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

So Long, Lonesome-Explosions in The Sky

It's being a very long day.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

The One I Love-David Gray

Mulai Ngawur

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Cornerstone-Arctic Monkeys

cornerstone |ˈkôrnərˌstōn|
noun
a stone that forms the base of a corner of a building, joining two walls.
Eughhhh a matchmaker?

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Make Luv

Why why in the world I had this song on my computer?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

The Space Between All Things-Idlewild

Now that you think about it......

WHAT IS 2+2?

Life in Mono-Formica Blues

Eh?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Planet New Earth-Lorien

My best friend is a martian!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Love It All-The Kooks

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Alone in The Sun-Leaves

That is sad, but  what’s make it sadder is that it is true.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Untitled-Architecture in Helsinki

AGAIN???

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Now You Are Pregnant-The Wave Pictures

Seriously guys.... it's a funeral

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Hopes-Rock and Roll Mafia

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

In Competition For The Worst Time-Idlewild

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Treehouse-I'm From Barcelona

What?

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Hanging Around-Future King of Spain

Too much hanging around?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Tangled Up in Blue-Bob Dylan

Some of them are I suppose, some others have found happiness

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Clock Patience-People in Planes

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Bird-Pattern is Movement

Eh?

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Danny Boy-Johnny Cash

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Gravity of Love-Enigma

Falling in love with the wrong person?

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

The Coast is Always Changing-Maximo Park

Drowned?

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

We Are The Pipettes-The Pipettes

So?

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Your English is Good-Tokyo Police Club

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

An Ape is Loose-Khonnor

And it chase me through the streets?

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Quiet Houses-Fleet Foxes

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Accelerator-Primal Scream

I'm afraid

Added on by Ridzki.

Suddenly I'm afraid of moving forward. I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision, believing something not worth believing.

I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone, I'm afraid to begin something anew.

I don't know how it happens though, like how stars in the night covered by the bleak dark clouds. You can't guess where they would come, because sky's and horizon share the same shades.

"There's no right or wrong in life, what's there is only the move forward, the pursuit and the struggle"

Yet I am afraid now.

The Times They Are a Changin'

Added on by Ridzki.

I have plenty to write but I did not seems to know how to start. But here it goes: The Beginning of The Spiraling Madness

I've always said to myself and to others, that changes whatever the form it would be is always a great thing to do. Not only it allows you to embark and see new stuff, experience new things and learning about all possibilities.

But then again when changes come in rapidly I myself have to struggle and keeping my head above the water.

Would things be better without the rapid changes then? I always ask that question to myself.

Let's start on the beginning the very beginning: the decision to join the workforce, experience the world and have yourself shaped by the mock cruelty of the world are all the words and descriptions that my mother would tell me when I asked that I still want to stay in the fortress. Now after a year almost passed, I think that the words and descriptions have been ringing true. Then again I didn't expect it be like this.

Swift and powerful it may seems but the changes are chronically over and over sweeping me off my feet.

And when the time to breathe come, I hardly believe that things that surround me have been wildly changes without I even allowing or prohibiting it from.

It's  the same feeling that arises when you're getting kidnapped, blindfolded and taken to a place that you did not know existed and getting executed without knowing who or for what matter you're deserve to get such treatment.

Such is life they say, you'll never get what you want or what you deserve. But later on you'll see that those you get are what you'll need.

Now time already passed, but still the past haunts me every  now and then.

Logic and Emotion

Come to think of it, the matters that happen to me are probably because of the everlasting clash between logic and emotion. No matter what the head say it's always the heart that leads.

Such matter caused by this is always wrenching, because no matter what I argument would I say, I always be in the losing side. then again I'm having my argument with emotional being after all.

Tiring as it may seems, it serves me as a reminder from time to time.

Profound New Tiredness

Liberation.yes.  I do feel liberated after all the events surrounding me unfolded.

Betrayed.yes. what can I say? do I imagine that these kind of things will happen to me? not if I am able to know what happens behind my back.

But then again I did feel tired.

I felt that I just want to sleep in the everlasting storms that had come and will come to me.

I wanted to be swept away by those storms, carried over to the calm. waking up in a state of newborn, without memories. Blank as the white paper.

But as I said, that's what I want, not what I need, and it's not me who decide what I need or which one I do not need.

Then I kept my head high and lead my way out. Till to the point that I almost have no time for myself.

Such again tiredness come to me, not as the storm. But as the struggle. Strangely enough I do feel that this will last even longer. I do feel that contentment and fulfillment is merely a concept, an imagination or fatamorgana to be exact.

It is as bleak as my future. Unimaginable beyond the point of age that I have now.

Such these are the words of me. In which I hope peace and grace would've come easily.

But if the struggle it is to be. Then what can I say?

"Protect me from what I want but give me what I need"

Cheers

14

Added on by Ridzki.

This number used to mean something for me. Well to tell you the truth it still is, and how large is it? no words can describe it. I just want to wish that people can feel what I feel when this number appears on the calendar and above all of them, you. Happy May 14th

Added on by Ridzki.

I promise myself today and forever one thing; "In my pursuit of happiness, never ever it will across my thought at the very least, to destroy the happiness, the feeling and the laying foundation of life of somebody else, because I wouldn't know whether the people that I've hurted will recover from all the pain or never at all."

Questions for the Questioners

Added on by Ridzki.

Somebody asked her: "Have you ever thought of what his feelings might be when you do that?" I responded "Do they, the one who asked the one who did, know what the big picture looks like? do they even know how do I feel?"

Added on by Ridzki.

Good God, it's tiring and painful to put on a smiling face everyday.To say that everything's okay To believe that in the end everything is going well. To keep strong always.

A Tribute to The Woman That Always There

Added on by Ridzki.

I believe you always with all my heart, body and soul. Every little words you said, every thing that you have done and every move you make. I may not be as loving as you wanted me to be, but that is because I believe that my proclamation of love to is bigger than words.

I always believe that all I need is you  today, tonight and forever and there are no days I have never think of something like that.

I am sorry for all the hurt that I have caused to you, I never meant it and I'll to anything to mend it.

I support you and your life and I wish for your happiness always.

I thank you for all the sacrifices that you've done for me, I will be gladly to repay that with my devotion for you.

You will always be there, you can always come back to me because you are truly an exception in my life.

And I wish you will be with me till the end.

Because and only because I love you so much.